So, I already had anxiety about trying on dresses for a wedding that I will be in July 2011. Take that anxiety and add to the mix someone who isn't super close was going to join us for the dress hunt because she has to get a dress too! And...I found that all out today...one day before the dress try on. My initial thought was to go jump into the bag of M&Ms and eat my way out AFTER I was finished hyperventilating. Then I thought OMGosh I need a meeting! I was frantically searching for one..what was I going to do. After my breakdown (to which I only ate 2 M&Ms and my FAVORITE stress food which is WW ice cream candy bars) I took a deep breath and thought to myself...I am not putting myself in a position where I will feel bad about myself when I should feel good about myself. So, I decided to just go and be support for everyone else and not try on anything until I can celebrate myself rather then stand in a mirror next to a person who is many sizes smaller then me in a dress (and not to mention MUCH younger). I must credit great friends and family for getting me through this breakdown. My Mom surprised me by really sticking up for me through the whole thing...she gets it...she has been there.
I felt bad because the people who organized the whole shindig don't get it. They have never been overweight and don't know what it is like to not feel good about yourself...to step out of a dressing room and fear what you might see in the mirror. I choose to go when I can put on the dress (hopefully be surprised at the size) and walk out and not have someone else standing next to me that I would compare myself to. I want to just see me. We all compare ourselves on a daily basis to others and yearn to be more like someone other then ourself. I am in the process of learning what it means to love myself. If WW taught me one thing it is that I get to be selfish about some things. How I feel about my self image is one of the things I am choosing to be selfish about....I choose me.
aww, Loo. I hope our talk helped today, I have been there and know exactly what you are talking about. Just last week, I was sent to go out to happy hour with some friends and I went to my closet only to find it full of 10 year old BIG sweaters - an entire closet of doesn't fit. Too small, too big, not trendy, just a big ol abyss of making me feel like crap about myself. I too felt like you...I should feel on top of the world...36 lbs ago, I did not want to go b/c I Had nothing to war b/c it all didn't fit. NOw, it fits - an is even too big, but I don't want to go b/c I still freel fat and frumpy. Made me want to dive into M&Ms too. I get it. It's why we are doing this together. But we are doing this ONCE. B/c we will never again put ourselves in a positon where we feel this bad about ourselves. I want to be the girl no one wants to try on dresses with!!!! YOu with me? Love you!
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